Any advice on writing a personal ad?

I've read a few and it's amazing how bad most of them are.

First, say something about yourself, particularly at the beginning. So many ads begin something like this:

"I haven't been able to meet anyone, and all my friends are doing on-line dating, and I've never done it before, so I thought I would try it out, even though I'm skeptical. I don't really know how to begin describing myself, since there are so many things to say about myself and I only have 500 words to do so. I guess you could say I'm a fun loving, laid back kind of girl."

My time is short and in 75 words, you've told me nothing about yourself other than you can't get to the point (which, come to think of it, is maybe all I need to know).

Second, never describe yourself as "normal." It's not that guys are looking for freaks, it's that "normal" sounds boring.

Third, make yourself sounds exciting and special. Here's one ad I particularly like:

"An undiscovered treasure. Way more than attractive. Gorgeous chestnut hair, fabulous legs, magnificent smile. Lawyer turned exec. Canadian yet rooted to Boston. Radiates confidence and passion. Big-hearted, philanthropic, witty and hip. Values making a difference, balances friends, work, community — knows when to ignore cell phone. As happy at Betrucci's as Mantra or at home with a good Merlot. Loves movies, biking, golf, LA Sports Club. My friends say I am intelligent, independent, quick-witted and funny. And for the most part I wouldn't argue with them."

That girl sounds special and exiting. She differentiates herself from the normal, boring profiles out there. It would be an unusual high quality guy that would not want to write to her.

Fourth, know what you want and then say it. One girl began her ad this way:

"I seek a man whose brilliance is exceeded only by his subtle sense of humor. It is his wont to smile at everything, before laughing at some things. He is analytical, abstract, quick, ironical, exceedingly intellectually curious. He notices fine points which others have passed over in silence. He notices the grand picture when others pick at nits. He is prepared for a woman largely insane and bursting with energy and exuberance, however level-headed he may be. He has probably never met with anyone with complex enough a mental or psychological composition for him to stay with for very long."

At least you know that she is looking for a really bright guy.

Fifth, I've noticed that the more intelligent the girl is, the more likely she is to use complex and compound sentences, more advanced vocabulary, and to write a longer profile. If her profile is short and contains only simple sentences, the odds are low that she is extremely bright.

Sixth, look at other woman's ad and see who you think wrote the most interesting ad. Which ad would compel you to write? In short, check out the competition.

Seventh, guys are visual creatures and many men will write to you after seeing your photo but without reading your ad. Thus, many women doctors receive e-mails from truck drivers. There's not much you can do about it; it's a price you incur when doing Internet dating. One clever woman wrote at the end of this profile, "Just so I know you read my entire ad, please put 'Cherry Blossoms' in the subject line of your letter to me. Otherwise, I'll assume you haven't read my ad and I'll delete your letter without reading it." A bit extreme but highly creative.

Eight, most high quality guys do view profiles with unconventional grammar, punctuation, spacing and capitalization unfavorably; it could mean she's not very literate. You should begin your sentences with capital letters and put spaces between your sentences.

Finally, it's acceptable to have a typo or two in your e-mails, but you shouldn't have ANY typos in your personal ad. Proofread it! If you need to, copy the text into your word processor and spell check it. If you're not good at proofreading, then ask a friend of yours to review your ad. After you type in your profile, look yourself up by typing in your screen name to see how it looks.

Visit our dating and romance section

Read James' essay What's Wrong With On-line Dating Sites.

December 19, 2006, version 1.4   |    List of other essays written by James Mitchell    |    Copyright notice

Cite as “How to Write a Personal Ad ” by James Mitchell. December 18, 2006, version 1.3.
www.BostonConvivium.com/jm_essays/personal_ads.